The renowned American child psychologist Stanley Greenspan observed that children around the age of 3 typically seek contact with a close caregiver approximately every 15 minutes.

In kindergarten, where children can be separated from their parents for up to eight hours, this separation often triggers feelings of loss and resistance, as well as a strong desire to be with their parents.

Therefore, when a child expresses reluctance about going to kindergarten, failing to understand and address their true feelings, or simply ignoring them, can intensify their sense of helplessness and deepen their resistance to attending.

Understanding and empathizing with your child’s emotions is crucial for helping them adjust smoothly to a new environment and reducing their resistance.

Avoid saying:

1. “Kindergarten is so fun, with so many toys and friends.” This response dismisses the child’s feelings and overlooks their emotional challenges.
2. “Did the teacher criticize you? Did the kids bully you? Were you not having a good time?” Such questions might unintentionally reinforce the idea that kindergarten is a threatening place.
3. “Why don’t you want to go to kindergarten? Tell me about it.” Young children often struggle to articulate complex emotions, making it difficult for them to explain their reluctance.
4. “Seriously, not going to kindergarten is not an option.” This outright denial of their feelings can make children feel misunderstood and deepen their resistance.
5. “Okay, okay, don’t cry.” Agreeing to let the child avoid kindergarten as a way to stop their crying can teach them that crying is an effective escape strategy, leading to repeated attempts and heightened emotional responses.

Here are a few steps to help children adapt to kindergarten life as quickly as possible:

Step 1: Empathy

When children cry, parents should avoid merely emphasizing the fun aspects of kindergarten or the kindness of teachers, as these responses often fail to resonate with the child’s emotional state.

Instead, try saying: “I understand that going to kindergarten is hard for you because everything feels different without me around, right?”

This gentle approach not only helps the child feel truly understood but also bridges the gap between parents and children, making them more open to sharing their feelings in the future. By acknowledging their true emotions, parents can more effectively address and resolve the challenges their child faces.

Step 2: Understand and Accept

Once the child is a bit calmer, you might gently say:

“Sweetie, I understand that you’re not used to the kindergarten environment. You might not like the food there, or the bed, and you may not want to play with the other children. It’s okay to feel like you’d rather stay home with me.”

As parents, it’s important to accept and understand these emotions, allowing the child to cry and express their reluctance about going to school. By truly entering their emotional world, we can find the best ways to help them gradually adapt to and enjoy kindergarten life.

Step 3: Encourage and Guide

Once you’ve acknowledged and understood your child’s emotions, it’s time to encourage and guide them. You might say:

“You’re already doing a great job by going to kindergarten, and we can take it one step at a time. I heard that they’re serving chicken legs at school today. When you come home, you can tell me if the school’s chicken legs are as good as mine!”

After validating their feelings, encourage your child by highlighting their progress and guiding them with something to look forward to. This approach helps create positive expectations about school, making each day an opportunity for excitement and curiosity.

Step 4: Be Gentle but Firm

As you drop your child off at kindergarten, you might say:

“When school is over, I’ll pick you up on time. Would you like me to bring your favorite snacks or toys to greet you? I’ll miss you too, and I can’t wait to see you after school!”

After saying this, it’s important for you to leave decisively without lingering. Often, once parents are gone, children quickly adjust and integrate into their group. Their reluctance to enter the classroom is usually more about expressing their feelings for you than about staying behind.

Kindergarten anxiety is a normal and necessary stage of development for children

For children starting kindergarten, separation anxiety is a common and natural reaction to a new environment with unfamiliar teachers and peers. John Bowlby, a renowned British child psychologist, identified three psychological stages that children typically go through during this transition:

1. Resistance Stage: At this stage, children may exhibit intense reactions, such as crying, shouting, or even physical behavior like rolling or hitting, to strongly express their reluctance to separate.
2. Disappointment Stage: Over time, the child’s initial resistance often gives way to persistent crying and avoidance of others, reflecting feelings of loss and disappointment.
3. Adaptation Period: As children become more familiar with their new environment, build trust with their teachers, and overcome initial shyness with their peers, they begin to accept and enjoy their new social life, eventually developing a fondness for kindergarten.

Therefore, the crying behavior of children who have just started kindergarten is a natural part of their emotional adjustment to a new environment. Parents need not be overly concerned. By consistently sending children to kindergarten and providing them with ample care and support, most children will adapt within three to five days, though it may take up to a month for some. With time, they will smoothly integrate into the kindergarten community.

To help children adapt to kindergarten life as quickly as possible, consider these practical tips:

1. Be Consistent and Steady: Regular attendance without frequent breaks helps children avoid repeated tension and crying. Consistency aids in their adjustment and helps establish a routine.
2. Focus on Positives: Instead of asking, “Did you cry today? Did anyone bully you?” try asking, “Did you make any new friends today? What was your favorite activity?” These questions can help children recall positive experiences, encouraging a more positive emotional outlook and accelerating their adjustment.
3. Stay Calm and Avoid Overemphasizing: When the child comes home, refrain from dwelling on their difficulties with kindergarten. Avoid making it a major topic of discussion to prevent adding to their psychological burden. Your calm and supportive attitude is crucial in helping them adjust to their new environment.